(no subject)

I'm not very good at.. sticking to things.. I'll get an idea in my head.. and I'll love it.. and I'll go at it all the way.. and then.. a few days later or a few weeks.. or at the most a few months later i'll just kinda forget about it and move on. Just leave whatever hanging where it was.. or throw it away... maybe one day i'll return to the idea... but it'll just go away again and that'll be that... but for a long while now... much longer than ever before... i've been wanting something and i've been setting my mind to it... and i'll still give up or try to but that just won't happen... a few days later.. i'll hear a song... i'll remember how i mentioned this will be my life.. just me.. in my car.. changing gears cruising along and she said she'd be there with me... or i'll see a movie... or just something even more mundane.. and i'll need to talk to Kim... I've called so many times... repeatedly in the same day... I know I should give up.. I know if she wanted to talk to me... she'd answer once.. or call back.. or something just once? noone can always be busy every moment i call for so long. it's not possible. And I do give up, but it's been a long time since I've bought a cd that hasn't had a song that is definitely my song to Kim. I just don't understand? What could I have done that is so horrid to deserve to be so cut off? The original idea... was me cory and kim moving out here... and she thought about it and decided she just wasn't ready to leave home... and that was pretty much the last time she really talked to me. The closest she came to really talking to me again was a week before I left.. and she was crying about how she can't talk to me cause it's hurts to much to know i'm gone and that she'd be able to talk before i did leave.. and that just never happened... And I know I should give up... And I have... but just it's getting to the point where everything reminds me of her and I'll decide just one more try... and it's voicemail again. and again.. and again. "Hey it's Kim.. just leave me a message and I'll call you back" and.. it's almost comforting to hear her say that much